Today has not been my day!

ok this is gonna be a little bit of vent session cos at the moment im so stressed and worked up and worried and anxious and have so many different feelings floating around!

I have a lot of anger as well!!! i usually am not a very angry person but today instead of wanting to create stuff like i normally do as a photographer i just want to destroy stuff!! ive contemplated throwing my phone into a several different walls a number of times already today ( i threw into my bed instead)

so i guess i should explain. this is all about girl! figures ay? the thing that stresses me out most are chicks! so ive been with this chick but we havent been dating yet but still sorta seeing each other for 2 months. we've had our ups and our downs and its been really complicated at times. And then yesterday she sent me a message saying 'samuel we cant talk for awhile. this is not about you though' and she hasnt really talked to me since! im the sorta guy who stresses out really easy and gets worried a lot. ive read that messaged she sent me a billion times and my mind has been going at million miles an hour trying to see if theres some meaning that i didnt see. BUt then i also cant tell her that her message really upset me because well shes not talking to me now AND what if theres something i dont know, like there could be a legit reason she hasnt been able to talk to me like maybe she ran out of credit, or when i tried to talk to her on fb her computer mucked up and cos shes out of credit she hasnt been able to tell me that... see lots of stuff...

to make it worse, i feel like i have no one in this stupid city who i can talk to. i mean i tried finding someone and there wasnt anyone. which sucks and makes me feel worse knowing if i need help i dont hav anyone who lives in the same state that can help me, i dont have anyone who i can talk to for advice and just vent to. it makes me sad.

to tell the truth i dont know what to do anymore. ive tried doing so much to 'win' her over. ive done cute things (i bought her a cupcake) ive bought her flowers (twice!) i send her cute messages (like when she goes to work she cant look at her phone so i try nd leave her a cute message for when she finishes) honestly i would do anything for her! to me this girl is amazing she perfect and i would love to have the chance to look into her eyes and tell her i love her and her to tell me it back.

everything is just so complicated and im getting tired of it being so complicated and not knowing if she'll ever be mine.

i think thats all ill say...